August 19th, 2006

Current Music: shambala - rockapella Subject: as said by 4 year olds Time: 11:15 pm

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

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August 8th, 2006

Time: 12:20 am

KP and I are awesome. That is all. Pictures to come later.

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June 6th, 2006

Subject: 666 Time: 06:43 pm Current Mood: upset

crazy people who think this is the end of the world: please look yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself this question; do i feel lucky? besides, nexy year is 777. but seriously, 666 is one of three things: coincidence convenience or conspiracy and you all are just fucking nuts. the world isn't ending. i didn't even remember today was 666 till i started watching the news at 6. psychos.

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May 20th, 2006

Current Music: wild bird - the spitfire grill Time: 10:51 pm Current Mood: amused

I have just had a real life encounter with an identity theft victim. he actually stole two identities. picture this driving down Damen in east chicago at 10pm *black man *with stoggie... *listening to Grease....?

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May 12th, 2006

Current Music: the suggestion box - aqueduct Time: 04:35 pm Current Mood: confused

I really despise the fact that there are so many boys and only one of me. not. cool. not. fair. i. don't. like. this.

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February 22nd, 2006

Current Music: i touch myself Time: 07:33 pm Current Mood: busy

fuck yes i wore overalls today. it was awesome. i felt like i was back in third grade. amazing! and i looked damn cute too. i look good in pink and blue. hooray!

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January 20th, 2006

Subject: thought inspired by robyn. Time: 03:56 pm Current Mood: thoughtful

It's scary. It's scary knowing that you saw someone the day they get in an accident. It's even scarier when the last time you saw them was 20 minutes before it happened. and the worst is when you're in your second and last final of the first semester...and you hear the ambulance siren going off, and you don't know why. and why it lasted so long. lindsay and i tried to see robyn today, we told the hospital we were her cousins so they would let us in. we couldn't leave the flowers there, but we left a card. when we got there they were running tests, so we weren't allowed to see her. but from what i heard she's going to be all right. it's a funny thing. life. people. accidents. fate. truth. death. it all seems to make a big circle around our lives that most of us don't even notice. when a friend gets into a car accident you worry about them and want them to be all right. and from that moment on, at least for the next few days, you're a careful driver, and you don't drive as you normally do. because you don't want it to happen to you or to anyone else. *there's siren's going off again* you wonder if anyone else around you is aware of all the damage a car can to do a person. friends think drinking is totally cool and you get so tripped out and you don't mind throwing up so much. but when i think of someone drinking, i think of all the stupid things that they could do when they're not in the right state of mind. they could have unprotected sex, they could walk into the middle of a road when a car's coming without them even noticing, they could drown in a pool, they could even be so unaware of what they're doing, that they could get in a car and drive. they could kill themselves. and they could kill other innocent people. it doesn't matter who you are or how much liquor it takes for you to get drunk or even tipsy. but that's how i think and feel about people who drink. people do stupid things under the influence of alcohol or drugs. that is my main reasoning for not doing either. it's stupid. and i don't want to be that stupid person who may end up ruining my life or somone elses who doesn't deserve it. i don't know the facts of robyn's accident. the other driver could've been sober, drunk, or just not paying attention. but whatever the reason, robyn didn't deserve what happened to her. she's a great person with so many great characteristics. as do many other people who end up in the same situations. i do believe everything happens for a reason. i don't know what the reason is. but there is a reason for everything. it sucks that the things that happen happen to good people. don't be a stupid person. don't be "joe" be safe. be curtious. be patient. take everymoment as it is and life for it. hug everyone you see, even if you don't know them very well. you don't know when you'll see them again. SMILE. one smile can generate a whole wave of goodness and happiness that can pass to many other people. tell people "i love you" and mean it. be a friend. be a lover. don't have regrets. there is no day but today. ~peace~

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January 11th, 2006

Current Music: Waiting in Canada - Jann Arden Time: 05:20 pm Current Mood: shut down

1. Post 5 6 weird/random stuff about yourself. 2. At the end, list the names of 5 people who you want next to do this. 1. I procrastinate. A LOT! 2. I have a secret. 3. I eet american cheese with my lips. 4. I don't like my voice most of the time. speaking and singing. 5. I'm a little bit racist. =/ 6. I own all of Season One and up to sunday nights episode of season 2 of Desperate Housewives. I choose to refuse request number 2.

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January 8th, 2006

Current Music: Let's Get It On - Marvin Gaye Subject: last two weeks, cuz i don't like updating much Time: 02:30 am Current Mood: need to shower real bad

Let's start with the last week of 2005. Friday - I had PT in the morning then rushed home to change into awesome clothes to meet cherubs having lunch at the Rainforest Cafe in Chicago. Then we went walking/shopping down Michigan Avenue after I fit all 9 of us in my Honda CRV. and then I dropped them off at Rachel Paul's hotel cuz I had to go pick up Meredith Muller! at the airport. I was stuck in an hour of traffic which sucked cuz it was raining and stuff, but I got there, picked her up, and she made the rest of my day/weekend fantasmic. so she gave me the Kid Simple soundtrack that she got from nick keenan before cherubs was over and it's simply orgasmic, and brought back serious good times. she also brought the slide show, and Kid Simple, and Arabian Nights. we watched KS number one at my house, then traveled to Oak Park to visit Chris and we watched Arabian nights number two, cuz on number one it said Theive's Carnival and we were like "what?" but then we kept playing it after we watched the slide show and got ice cream and discovered it was AN number one, and meredith and i ended up leaving chris's house around 2 in the morning. Saturday - we then got up around 9 or 10ish, cuz lindsay was supposed to take us to get tattoos, but that never happened. so in the morning we dyed our hair, bought some food, and went to Flat Top in evanston to meet 20 other cherubs that had congregated there. It was super fun. Then we were debating what to do next, either go bowling, see a movie, or lazer tagging. the plan was to go lazer tagging, but abby messed up directions and stuff, and we ended up on the other side of The Glen, and since I knew where I was, i suggested let's all go to my house, cuz it's not too far. So then we tried to flag down melissa, cuz she doesn't have a cell phone (Mel, get a cell phone!!!) and I led the pack back to my house. and at every stop light that lasted a while, meredith and britta and i would do a chinese fire drill around our car, then we did one around matt's car. it was great. oh yes, and that was after we fit 16 or 17 cherubs into a Honda Pilot. yeah, it was fucking awesome. so then i had 20 cherubs in my house, and it was amazing, and we watched Anchorman, and that was a good time. after the movie, cherubs who had other New years plans left and the rest of us traveled down to Will Dagger's house for the New Years party and such. before meredith and britta, and myself got there, we stopped at jewel, to pick up food and such, and we did a snow dance in isle three cuz meredith wanted to see snow again. she was so cute. lol. then we were singing to the radio that was playing and it was "hit me baby, one more time" and it was awesome. then we got to Will's and we partied in the basement for a while, then played Twister and that was crazy awesome, then more ppl arrived and we migrated upstairs to the family room and food, where we started talking about first kisses and such and random stories. although, i have to say meredith's were the best cuz she's just....well, i guess there's no word for her stories. but anyways, then we watched the slide show together, and it made me feel good. but they cut out the best part! "a buh?!" and then new years was coming close so we were all preparing and we decided to kiss every single person in the room once cherub standard time said it was 2006. Sunday - 2006 rang in, and we started kissing everyone! then we circled up and did it one by one. it was awesomeamazingorgasmiccrazyridiculous! Then all 13 of us started calling every cherub in our phone, including fac asses. it was absolutely amazing! i think we only missed about 20 of them cuz we didn't have their numbers, but we got everyone else. and it was famazing. then we got all our sleeping stuff and got comfortable, and we watched Mean Girls after chris left to go to another party ....boo! after the movie was over chris called me and he told me after he got off the highway he busted a tire, (the room was silent when he called, so after he said that the room went *gasp*) and yeah, that's whatcha get for leaving a cherub party, especially on new years. but he was ok, which is all that was really important, so the night continued with meredith and alex going outside to smoke cigars (boo! smoking kills) and no one would go streaking outside either cuz it was so cold. so after about a half hour, there's the ten of us in the family room, emily fell asleep, and all of a sudden meredith and alex come running into the room butt naked and then ran back out. well, i was like, "wait, rewind, i need my camera" and then they came back in with all their clothes on. and i have to say that was probably the best part of my whole new years, next to being with 20 cherubs, kissing everyone, and fitting as many cherubs as possible into one car. we eventually slept after about 4 in the morning, and then was up at eight when everyone started leaving. meredith, sean, and I didn't leave till about 10:30 when we dropped off sean at the el, where we all cried a bit. made it back to my house cuz it was kinda messy, and my parents were coming home, and liz and matt, and chris were gonna come over, but we ended up going to chris's and my parents called and said they were gonna stay an extra day. so, meredith and I drove back to Oak Park, where we chillaxed with liz, matt and chris, and then eventually went to panara for lunch/dinner then came back and watched "A Fish Called Wanda", and "Amelie" two, very absurd movies, but it was a good time. i technically had school the next day, but i didn't go, cuz meredith didn't leave til tuesday morning, got McDonalds food at 1 in the morning on New years day, got back to my house and watched American Beauty, (it's not mine, but was left at Wills, so if it's anyone's let me know so i can give it back to you) Monday - so, we planned on getting up at about 11ish so we couldl shower and stuff and get to Jade Dragon around 12 when it opened, but we slept through the alarm and woke up around 1:30, so we got up ina rush, drove over to Jade, and i got my angel wings, cuz i can, and cuz the new tattoo age in illinois is 18. they look hella-cool. Meredith and I then got comfort/pain food at Wendy's, back at my house. then we made a bunch of trips to get film developed, rent a movie, watched "I heart huckabees" (absurd, but good) returned it, picked up film, watched Cruel Intentions, and fell asleep talking about the entire weekend from when she arrived (a.k.a. all of the above.) Tuesday - woke up at 5:15, meredith got in the cab at 5:30. i cried a little bit. went back to sleep for about an hour, till i got up and went to school. (boo!) Wednesday - school sucks. stopped by Chris's house after school to get my Kid Simple cd that i had left there and ended up going to see The Producers with him, liz, and a few other people. i got home around 10 and packed of ITF. Thursday - left for ITF right after school, went to the meeting for auditioners, and saw Rob Tolzien! and Ben, and Ariana, and it was a good day. Then opening ceremonies. that was totally crazy. saw some student written pieces, of which i liked 2 of the 5. got to the hotel, got tickets for the next two days, went to sleep...eventually. Fridaywoke up around 6, left on the bus at 7:30, went to audition warm-ups at 8. my audition was between 10-11. it didn't go too bad. i completely forgot my monologue when i got out there, but i fucking rocked my song. afterwards, i got lunch with a few other maine southers, and we went to a Dialects class, which was fucking awesome! *i'll punch ya in the face, it hurt, so i cried, i had a sad tear, the tear was so sad, so i looked at it, and i ate it! tasty! like water! it's good for ya* (all in an irish accent) oh yay. then went to see Snoopy. (story in a bit) Got my audition call backs (which colleges wanted to talk with us) i got about 16, of which i was only interested in talking with Wesleyan, who told me about the individual/private audition, which i already knew about) and I'm now quite interested in Webster. Then I had planned on going to see Pippin, but when Nick, Aileen and myself had gotten there, they had oversold the tickets and we couldn't get in, which sucked like a bitch. So we got back to the Bone center where we created a circle of depression, shame, and anger, cuz the college thing was a joke, as well as auditions and pretty much the whole day. So, there were these three guys who were sitting across from us, and they were talking about Snoopy, and I said "Snoopy sucked" and they were like, why's that? and i said, well no one could sing at all except for about two people. and then i looked over to find that the three guys sitting there were charlie brown, snoopy, and linus. and i was like ... oh crap... and then i explained that the acting was great (which it was) and the story was cute, but honestly, y'all just couldn't sing, and they were like, yeah, we've never really sung a note in our lives, and i was like, well that explains it then. and we had an intersting convo from there. then more Maine southers started showing up, and i eventually made my way over to where the dance was, and danced with daniel and a few other people. left the dance quite sweaty, and met up with the Maine gang, and we left for the hotel around midnight. it was a fucking long day. Saturday - a much better day, that started getting up at 7:45...yay! on the bus at 9, went to see "I Never Saw Another Butterfly..." which I thought was very good, but i felt bad, becuase I kept falling asleep due to lack of sleep. but when you walked in the theatre, there's two swastika's on either side of the stage and you're just like "what?" but it was good none the less. then I got fucking awesomely lucky and found a ticket for The Laramie Project, which i went to go see. and i don't care what anyone else says cuz they're being too critical about it, but i liked it a lot. and all I have to say is, don't be fucking descriminatory about the actors, when you just saw a play about discrimination. that just fucking pisses me off. that's all. so after all that fun depressing stuff, i was so ready for A Chorus Line. lol. I was suprised at how well they all did. especially Adam. I mean, he really surprised me, and i was really proud of him. Brennan of coarse was brennan and the part fit perfectly for him, and he did really well also. Saw James. he's awesome. There were a lot of people in the cast that did a really nice job and surprised me. And i don't really like A chorus line that much, but because they did such a great job, i'm starting to like it again. after the show we got on the bus, hit up our dinner spot, and then went home. it was a good two weeks, except for that whole audition/college thing. that kinda scares me and pisses me off a little bit. but that was my two weeks in a nut shell. well, a very large nut shell. i enjoyed it. oh, so not ready for monday. well, shit. ~peace~

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December 30th, 2005

Current Music: "better days" - goo goo dolls Time: 01:31 am Current Mood: content

TEN FIRSTS 1. First Best Friend: lauran or aj 2. First Screen name: angelvoice1019 3. First Pet: cali 4. First Piercing: ears (10) 5. First Crush: andy 6. First CD: pft! i donno 7. First Car: waiting for it 8. First Love: alex 9. First Stuffed Animal: dino 10. First job: gymnastics instructor NINE LASTS 1. Last Alchoholic Beverage: none 2. Last Car Ride: wednesday drove lindsay home 3. Last Movie Seen: watched "the world is not enough" on tv 4. Last Phone Call: called natalie 5. Last CD Played: not cd, but i have "better days" on repeat 6. Last Bubble Bath: can't remember 7. Last Time You Cried: 3 hours ago 8. Last IM: 1:34am - michael 9. Last Meal: bread and butter EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS 1. Have you ever dated one of your best friends: no, but i've been offered sex 2. Have you ever been arrested: no 3. Have you ever skinny dipped: want to 4. Have you ever been on TV: i think so 5. Have you ever kissed someone and then regretted it: yes 6. Have you ever done drugs: no 7. Have you ever run away: yes 8. Have you ever cheated: on a test, yeah SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING 1. yellow pj pants 2. pink tank top 3. northern arizona sweatshirt 4. black hair tie 5. 10 out of 12 piercings 6. 7. well i'm not ready for strip poker... SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY(thursday) 1. woke up with cramps 2. ate breakfast 3. fell back asleep due to cramps from 12 - 5 4. woke up and ate some more 5. go on the comp from then till now 6. cried FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN ABC ORDER 1. acting 2. dancing 3. eating 4. kissing 5. singing FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL [ALMOST] ANYTHING TO 1. kristina 2. lauren baker 3. liz 4. trenton THREE CHOICES 1. White or Black: white 2. Hot or Cold: cold 3. Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE 1. visit all the wonders of the world and then some 2. create as much peace and harmony as possible ONE THING YOU REGRET 1. disrespecting my parents

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December 27th, 2005

Tags: i spent about 6 hours with chris =d Current Music: My Humps-BEP Subject: Top 12 Time: 12:30 am Current Mood: chipper

My top 12 of '05 1) Little Shop performance at Maine West 2) Belle 3) My brother moving to Arizona 4) CHERUBS! 5) senior year 6) crossing the Mississippi and going to IOWA...twice! 7) Liz's party 8) Fall Play 9) Knee Surgery 10) Matt's party! =D 11) New phone (speaking of phones, if you have cingular, feel free to call me anytime, cuz it'll be free, cuz i have cingular, and if you don't either call me between 7pm and 7am...*at a descent hour*...or call my house, if it can't wait just call me then. i'm trying to stay within my monthly minutes so that i can have rollover minutes to the max! and so i don't have to pay extenuous amounts of money and most of you can understand. oh, i can text too, which is exciting) that is all... 12) New Years (to come) and spending it with CHERUBS! i hope everyone had a fufilling and healthy year, and an even better year to come ~peace~

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December 22nd, 2005

Time: 05:44 pm

oOoOoOoO. i gots a new phone! :) my number is the same however. it's all good. sorry to all of you who enjoyed my yellow monster. ~peace~

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December 15th, 2005

Time: 05:01 pm

I'm sorry I express my self, and release my emotions. I don't know how people live if they hold their emotions in and control them. Or if they don't speak how they feel. If we don't share it with someone who is going to help us through it? I'm not the only person who says things about other people. But, I also don't snitch on other people. I'm not a bad person. I'm simply a person with emotions who needs to vent a little. Everyone vents. Everyone gets carried away, and i'm sorry i made that vent public. also, if you have something to say to me, or want to ask me about, please say it to my face so that i don't have to hear that you heard it from someone who heard it from someone, because then it becomes false, and you just sound stupid talking about something you don't understand. oh, p.s. I quit. ~peace~

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November 28th, 2005

Current Music: Photograph - Nickleback Subject: Photograph Time: 10:12 pm Current Mood: content

Have you ever really considered or thought about how blessed most of us are? This isn't a realization for me, but it's something that has been brought to my attention for a second/third/fourth time. As I listen to the song Photograph by Nickleback, I think about what people really know about a photograph and what they don't know. When you look back on a photo, you remember exactly where you where, what time of day it was, who you were with, and what you felt. And we rarely question what that person is really feeling if it's not us. I see pictures from old family gatherings at Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter and such, and I've never actually came to my mind to thing about how that person is doing at this time. When you see the picture you see the person as they are, as they were, and you don't think about how that person is now. I didn't know my youngest cousin on my Aunt Elaine's side was pregnant till I came back from Cherubs. No one had told me. I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong, but her boyfriend won't marry her, they bought a house together so that their baby boy will be raised in a home of some sort, and she just doesn't have a good paying job that will support her to her needs. I was informed tonight that my oldest cousin on my Aunt Elaine's side is haveing domestic problems. She's been having a hard time finding work, and supporting her kids. Her husband who has two other children in Hawaii with his first wife (not the issue), but her son who is starting puberty and such and becoming stronger, he's been becoming difficult for her to control. She's obviously worried for her safety as well as her oldest daughter who's my age and her younger daughter who's not quite 7. She started living with her dad, who lives alone due to Elaine's passing over a year ago now. He's making her pay rent for her and her daughter's to live there temporarily. Her husband's taken her son to live with his mother's until he can get him under control. When you look at a photograph you don't think about where people are now. You don't question what troubles their going through, or what financial issues they're facing. Or how much more they're in need than we are. Than I am. You think of the good times. The jokes, the dinner, the presents, the weather, the sound of their laugh. Whether they're now gone from this earth, or fighting to gain peace in their lives, you can't tell that from a photograph...until you're informed. Sometimes I think it's better not to know. Then again, what can you do with the information you know? They both live in Michigan and I'm trying to get enough money for myself. I don't even know if they'd accept anything from me. I do agree that half of their problems are due to their own faults. But once those mistakes are made you can only move forward and learn from them. I don't know how they're going to deal, or if there's anything I can do. People in this time an age are so fucking focused on their wants instead of their needs and the needs of others. I know it's hard for most people who are ignorat and short minded to grasp the meaning of this next sentence, but why can't we live in a world where we help others, and create peace and harmony, and protect the environment for the earth's survival and our own. I just don't understand why some people would want to die because they love the taste of nicotine which causes cancer and other such diseases causing a shorter life. Yes, the only true things in life are death and taxes. But why does that have to be the only sure things? What's wrong with everyone experiencing happiness and compassion and love and peace? I'm not saying you can't be sad, believe me I enjoy being sad when I'm in a sad mood. Or mad, or jealous. But, we should learn that there's more to life than one side of things. One of my favorite quotes comes from the movie "Saved".. *When Jesus closes a door, he usually opens a window* *Yeah, so that we have something to jump out of!* I'm not highly religious, and I don't mean to preach. I'm just trying to understand. That's one thing that everyone has in common. We're all trying to understand something. We want answers. I ask myself that one a lot. We're all trying to understand why things are the way they are. My answer...some things just are. But for the things that aren't, there's something you can do about it. And if you have the power to change it, change it. But to it for the better. Do it for yourself and others. When you look at a photograph, you don't realize the sins and heroism that person's done. You don't know their strengths, or their weaknesses. You don't know whom they've loved or hated. You don't know the color of their underpants...lol. In other words...you're not quite sure what's beneath the surface. If you go looking for the answers, make sure they're facts. Not assumptions. Don't judge a book by it's cover. And I leave you with my new piece of writting: The Desiderata: Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. ( Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested inyour own career, however humble, it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, fot eh world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself! ( Especially do not feigh affection. neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. but do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding s it should. therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusino of life, keep peace in your soul. ( With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be Happy.

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November 19th, 2005

Subject: the last three days Time: 11:55 pm Current Mood: sleepy

Thursday 7:30 - saw V-show. good job all! you were amazing! 11:00pm - Natalie picks me up to venture to The Glen to see Harry Potter Friday 12:05am - The movie starts 2:50am - The movie ends holy shit! the movie was amazing! however i absolutely loathed how the movie left out 2/3 of the book. other than that you get to see harry with his shirt off and myrtle totally wants to get on him. and it's pretty hot. 3:10am - i get home 3:25am - i get/fall asleep that's about 2 hours of sleep right there 5:45am - my alarm goes off and i get out of bed 6:45am - i get to school for vocal jazz 3:25pm - i leave school 4:00pm - i go/fall a sleep 6:30pm - my alarm goes off to leave and see Lucy's show 6:40pm - i decided to see it tomorrow, and fell back asleep Saturday 7:30am - my mother wakes me up and asks me when i have to be up (IMEA rehearsal starts at 8:00am, check in started 7:15) 7:45am - i leave house like a squirrel in the middle of a forest fire 7:58am - i arrive at Maine East HS 8:00am - rehearsal starts (our director: Z. Randall Stroope) 3:00pm - IMEA District Festival (Band, Choir, Orchestra) everyone did an exceptional job! you all rox my sox! weird story: the girl sitting next to me was a student of my moms...weird 7:15 - last minute decision to go to NU and see Lucy in The Cripple of Innishman she was amazing! if any cherubs are in town and have time tomorrow from 3 to 5 go see her! the show is so funny, and she is so amazing, and it's worth the $10 and the half hour drive. it's the last show and she would love to see you all!!! i plan on sleeping now and for as long as i can tomorrow. i don't know how many tickets there will be, but i'm taking the chance to go see The Secret Garden at Loyola University to see Andrew. if you're interested in going let me know. it starts at 2. we'll leave at 1:00 no later. there's a chance we won't get tickets, but i'm going anyway. just be aware of that. that is all. good night. ~peace~

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November 16th, 2005

Time: 06:05 pm

i got accepted to ISU. now i have to audition at ITF to get into the musical theatre school. and every other school. waiting for 3 more replies. and have to get two more apps in. IMEA saturday. surgery tuesday. (yes, i tore my acl again. but on the left this time.) trimmed lindsay's hair last night and gave it prettyful layers. got pissed at the choir today cuz they were being a buch of ignorant jerks who should go back to seventh grade and learn how to behave. getting a sore throat. shit. going to shows all this week. shopping monday before my surgery. need to fix my rooms to make it my room. was in iowa last weekend and it was amazing. boo, mizlatt couldn't come with. got to see greg be a gay waiter again. sadly he didn't have tap shoes. :( but he was still famazing. watching foster's home for imaginary friends. update complete ~peace~

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November 6th, 2005

Subject: cherubs=love Time: 10:44 pm

*sigh* i. love. my. cherubs. so. much. and. i. miss. them. more. than. anything. else. in. the. whole. world. i. love. you. so. much.

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October 31st, 2005

Subject: fuck off...halloween sucks Time: 10:36 pm Current Mood: pissed off

Halloween officially sucks. Didn't go trick-or-treating. Couldn't dress up at school, although i did dress up as much as i could without getting sent to the deans, which i succeded in doing. And got into a car accident. < don't worry, i'm ok. i just hate people who don't know how to drive, and i think the dude was drunk. or, at least that's what bill told me cuz he could smell it on him. but here's what happend. i was leaving church and heading back uptown to go home. i crossed the tracks, and i have the right of way, right? well apparently, the other guy was coming east from summit, and didn't see me so when i saw him out of the corner of my eye coming perpendicular to me i sped up so that he wouldn't hit me at least. he would have if i didn't speed up, and he got the frame on my back left side, as well as slashing my tire with his licence plate. bastard. look where you're fucking going next time. so, bill was trick-or-treating and such and heard it, so he came out to help me call the cops and such while i was getting info from the guy. damage wasn't that bad, but it was more than what he got cuz he hit ME. asshole. my first fucking accident too. damn the world. and of coarse since i live in park ridge, it always rains on Halloween, so it was raining to add to it. and when my parents showed up, my dad had to change the tire in the rain. it sucked. if you want to see the damage, follow me out to my car tomorrow after school and i'll show you where he hit me and the slashed tire in the trunk. aside from that, i felt better talking to Trenton, getting a Texas call from mr. wonderful, and talking for about a half hour with miss. laruen baker from iowa. and watching Rocky Horror. although i was watching it alone, i enjoyed stina's random drop by for homework that i had also left at school. mom came home shortly before this post only to yell at me about writting thank you cards from my birthday, and continuing to shout at me about getting college apps done. i suppose i am being a bit irresponsible in getting them done. but who actually has the motivation to get those kinds of things completed and handed in in September? that's right. my mother wanted all my apps in in september. i'm still visiting a college this sat. what the fuck is going on in her head? and it's not like i don't have the apps done, it's just writting and finishing the essays that i'm having issues with. along with being reminded that i'm a worthless piece of shit as i like to think, because my parents are wasting so much money on me that i don't feel like i was worth all the trouble. i understand the financial thing about college and stuff, but saying shit that you don't even know is true just pisses me off as well. i'm tired of trying to be who my parents think i am. always being constantly reminded of how i slacked off junior year, and how i think money comes from trees, and thinking that i don't think you work "god-damn hard to earn money for the family". i know what you do, i know how much effort it takes. and i'm fucking sorry you have to come home to a daughter who isn't good enough. I'M FUCKING SORRY!

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October 30th, 2005

Current Music: Mr. Brightside - The Killers Subject: Hi, I'm Torchy, and i Kill people. Time: 12:19 pm Current Mood: cheerful

Last night, and yesterday in general, was absolutely amazing. Woke up around 12 after a choral concert that went "ok." But anyway, so i got a call from Mr. Jeff Irlbeck and I was freaking out when he told me he was visiting Loyola. So I drove over there to see him, and he was there talking with Andrew. We then made our way to the parking garage where Jeff's mom was waiting for him, and I told Jeff that Liz was having her bday party tonight and that she had an extra spot open and that Jeff was invited to come and be that character. (It was a murder mystery party.) So his mom said yes. willingly. even tho he had stuff to do the next day, his mother was encouraging him to stay. So we stopped for some pizza when i realized what time it was, and that I needed to be at Liz's at 6 and it was almost 4:30...half hour back to my house and then half hour to Liz's and we hadn't gotten our pizza yet. So me and Jeff booked out of chicago back to my house, grabbed clothes, and almost died a few times getting to Liz's. (p.s. mapquest sucks, and it fails at life, and therefore must die.) But we found it around 6:30ish. so we were a bit late. but it was all good. We packed the 10 of us into 2 cars and drove down to the SEARS TOWER. where we stayed on the 63 floor in the Illinois room. So we started the game. I was Torchy, the lounge singer, and we were all trying to figure out who killed Hal Cappone. It was the best game i have ever played, simply because i was in a room full of actors, who were acting, and having an amazing time, and eating cake. I didn't know half of them, but they where some of the coolest people ever. (p.s. Trenton is my new love. And we must hang out a.sap.) we were done at about 11, and drove back to Liz's. I took Jeff back to my house since his mother had found housing elsewhere, because they couldn't just drive back to Iowa at midnight. So Jeff slept at my house...on the couch...and then he left this morning. it was definately one of the best nights EVER! I got to see Liz, Matt, Chris, AND Jeff! Absolutely amazing! And i made some new friends who are just awesome. Amazing night, Amazing people, simply AMAZING! ~peace~

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October 28th, 2005

Current Music: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day Subject: Running Through My Head Time: 10:06 pm Current Mood: annoyed

*I am sick and fucking tired of being what people want me to be. I'm not the girl who dresses pretty and tries to look good for someone. I'm not the girl who TRIES to get everyone to like her. I'm not the girl who sits back and watches things happen. I'm not the girl that doesn't act upon her feelings. *This Halloween thing has gotten ridiculous. I wore my long black frayed pants that I got from Urban Outfitters, which I wear all the time. With my Wicked shirt and a fish net shirt under that. And then i had some black eyeliner and green eyeshadow on. Now granted that I dressed like that all the time cuz i was a depressed freshman back in the day, I still have days where I'm in the mood to wear black. Danck seemed to think that this was early protest for Halloween. Which it was. But it's not totally out of the ordinary of how I would dress. Maybe the eyeshadow was a bit much, but still. Halloween isn't till monday. and we were specifically told that we couldn't dress up on HALLOWEEN! Friday isn't fucking halloween. it's friday, the 28, not the 31, so why the fuck did Danck send me to the Deans? The deans found nothing wrong with my outfit so I went back to class. Then Danck made me go to the baathroom and take it off. And of coarse i can't say no, or protest to him, because I want to be in the musical and such. But I was in a pissy mood for the rest of the day. I still plan on wearing my "costume" which is actually a combination of all my regular clothes. If i get sent to the Dean, I've already informed my parents that i'm dressing up. so fucking send me home. i don't give a damn. *In other news, the concert went ok. It could have been much better, but it wasn't so terrible that i wanted to crawl in a corner. *I'm mad at one person specifically because he is a pretentious prick who doesn't know when to stop talking, or when to stay out of a conversation he's not part of. I fucking want to strangle him slowly so that he'll fucking shut up. I'm ususally not a violent person, but it has gotten to the point that i will hit him one of these days if he doen't stop being an ass. *Move on fucking damn it. Don't believe everything you hear. *college apps are pissing me off. as well as my parents. i'm not everything i appear to be. the only people who really know me live all around the country and that sucks. *I need cherubs. I need people who understand me. I need people who won't open their fat ass mouths all the time. I need people who love me. I need those whom I love.

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